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The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s response is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral habits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, mostly benign quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that immediately extinguish any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {